Another Mother's Day has passed. As usual I was spoiled by my Hubby and kids and loved every minute of it. From being awaken with a kiss and a Happy Mother's Day wish- brunch at one of my fave restaurants with my Hubby, kids and MY own Mom and Dad in tow - to hitting a flick based on a book I read cover to cover in one day (Something Borrowed). PERFECTION!
I received a number of HMD wishes. A couple were new this year. Greta and I exchanged HMD pleasantries Saturday afternoon. A stark change from the usual, casually pretend that the day doesn't exist for either one of us. And another text from Elle's Dad similar to the sentiment from his one last week.
Last night I started to question why I didn't get all warm and fuzzy from either exchange? Hadn't at some point I wanted-needed this very thing? The short answer is YES. And the long answer is, while it was a VERY welcome change to years past, my emotional health no longer craved or needed it.
At some point, in both relationships, independent from one another, I made a decision to stop giving weight to their words. Sometimes their words were said directly to me or to my kids, my Hubby, but the intended target was me. I let the weight of their words sink into my very core as if they were a true reflection of who I was as person, wife and mother. They never were, they were just opinions by two people who knew little about me. When I diminished the amount of weight I gave their words, I hurt far less.
While I'm extremely grateful for the well wishes from both and hope they continue in the future. I have to leave the weight of their words were they are today. I don't know either of them well enough in our new relationship to change the weight of their words. In the past, I looked to both of them to validate my worth as a mother, step-mother and sometimes who I was as a person. Misguided on my part even if they were people I could trust with my vulnerabilities.
Validation and worth were two things I could only give myself. I was finally able to do so not so long ago. That doesn't mean that I didn't soak up like a sponge the MD wishes from my three youngest.
Elle's Facebook MD morning:
Happy Mother's Day Mom! I Love you more than words can express, you are such an amazing mom and friend. Thank you for everything you do, without you I can honestly say I don't know where I would be today. Thank you for making my life whole again! I love you Lisa Hartman! ♥
Little Hart's Facebook MD evening:
Happy mothers day mommy(s) love you! And happy mothers day to everyone else, glad we have a day that is dedicated to you. Don't know where I would be without both of my moms blood related or not I still love you!
And the simply understated Jax:
Happy Mother's Day!
My kids words I do give considerable weight. I know them and they know me and while what they say can't change my self worth they can surely make my day! Someday, my relationship with Greta and or Dick may change where I trust them enough to change the amount of weight I have given their words. I hope that happens.